Today is day 6 of school for my 4 year old (but who is counting, well she is), we drove the 15 minute drive together listening to Tom Petty and talking about where rubber comes from (she honestly couldn’t believe that it comes from a tree).
I’m really enjoying these morning rides with her and though they are short they really are creating a connection between us that wasn’t there before. She’s becoming a kid who wants to constantly learn about the world and I am happy to oblige by answering any questions I can with what I have learned over the years.
This closeness is so important to me and I feel that it has also spilled over into other parts of our lives. She wants to cuddle more before school or have me sit next to her while she eats her oatmeal, maybe knowing that she won’t see me for a few hours while she is away at school.
Which brings me to the hardest part, for me anyway.
Today, I shed tears for the first time while dropping her off. Why was today different than any of these other first days of school? It was different because today I let her off at the front walk that leads to the front door of the school and I let her go.
I let her walk in to that big old school with out me standing right by her side.
I wasn’t by her side and it HURT.
I watched her walk towards the door of her school and she just seemed so little but at the same time, so confident.
She knew what to do and where to go and she didn’t need my guidance anymore.
I had to let go in that moment. My tears (that I couldn’t even hide behind sunglasses because I left them at home) reflected how I felt about letting go and also the realization that my baby was a school girl and all the mothering I gave her up until that point set her up to walk into that door.
So as I let go of one phase, I was brimming over with pride thinking “that is my girl!” and “I created that confident little person!”.
If you didn’t know already, being a mom is the HARDEST job in the whole wide world. There are parts of it that tear out your heart while simultaneously building it up even stronger. And, how can you even prepare for moments like this?
All I can say about today is that I let go of my baby and embraced my big kid all in the same moment. Talk about emotional roller coaster.
My heart goes out to all the mamas letting go as school begins and embracing a new stage of growth.