There was a point a few months back where I was feeling guilty about not being enough of a mom. I know, I know, we all have those moments where we feel like less than what we are, but this felt like more than just the average “mom guilt”.
I was deep in it and even though my kids were happy and thriving, I just felt disconnected. Like, I had no idea what was going on with them.
Silly? I mean, they are 2 and 4, I know what’s going on with them because I’m with them ALL the time.
I guess what I mean is that, I wasn’t having conversations with them and hearing how THEY felt with their own words.
So lately, I have been having conversations with both of my kids daily. They aren’t deep and meaningful. . . .but they kind of are. I get to hear what is most important to both of them in the way that they can explain it best. How is that not meaningful?
What have I noticed since starting these conversations?
Most amazingly, they both just come up to me now and just start talking about whatever is on their mind. Maybe they tell me a little too much, but I also get to hear all the good stuff too. Because of this, I get to ask more questions and get them to talk to me even more.
Most importantly, though, that detachment I felt is fading. I won’t lie, if we haven’t had a conversation that day, I begin to feel “less than” but for the most part, I feel more like the mom I want to be. They tell me their last thoughts before falling asleep, their first thoughts upon waking, and stories about random stuff during the day.
Yeah, I don’t know, maybe a lot of this talk is just fluffy and silly and doesn’t make much sense, but its important to me because it comes from my kids and it is what they are telling me which means THEY think it is important.
This new level of bonding that we have isn’t like “oh my goodness, we are SO connected now!” No, it is just a comfortable flow, nothing forced, just happy kids and a happy mom.